Category Archives: Emily

Posts by Emily Berens

Things Aren’t Easy

Hey Larry,

How’s my favorite cousin? 

Things haven’t been too easy the last few years for me. I thought I’d be sittin pretty after I got my degree. Suppose I am, thinking about where I was thirteen years ago. Let me tell you, thirteen years ago, I was twenty-one years old, living with y’all, no job, no school, watching a whole lotta The People’s Court. Maybe the best part about daytime TV is that everyone wants to help you. It was 3:12PM when my life changed. An advertisement for Penn Foster Career School came on, and I realized my true calling: TV/VCR Repair.

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I’m being haunted by a beautiful, busty blonde

Hello. Emily here. This is Emily, not a character. I need to share something with you, dear readers.

I am being haunted. I think that I am being haunted by the late great Anna Nicole Smith (RIP.)

Let me explain a little bit. I’m a pretty big Anna fan. So, I assume you’d think it was ridiculous that she would just start haunting me, a big fan. I guess I should clarify. I don’t think this is a menacing haunting. I think that Anna is watching over me. Why wouldn’t she? I just moved to this big city, and I’m practically on my own. She understands, when she was about my age, she moved to the big city, too. It’s a scary place! Anna knows that I loved her, Anna knows that I named my beautiful beta fish after her. Anna knows how upset I was when my fish was stolen and held for ransom. And she knows of my heartbreak after her death. Continue reading

by: Emily