What You May Not Have Known About Arbor Day

Just Do It (R)

Just Do It (R)

-Green has become the standard color of Arbor day, not because of the color’s association with nature, but because Aaron Burr, the “Johnny Appleseed” of Arbor Day, was a leprechaun. In fact, Burr did not even bring a gun to his duel with Alexander Hamilton, only his trademark rainbow army.

-Arbor Day is the Christian adaptation of the Pagan celebration of Lycalia, the monthly celebration of the Cherry tree. It was celebrated by burning every cutting implement in town as a covenant of protection with the sacred wood. In return, the trees would produce sweet cherries and not the lizard heads that gave the plant it’s original name: splintersaurus. This monthly ceremony was reduced to an annual ceremony due to Congressional meddling by the scissor lobby.

-Because of the nature of their opposite seasons, Australia’s Arbor Day takes place on Three Kings Day and is celebrated by Aussies putting a shrimp on the barbie or whatever.

-Nebraska is the only state that observes Arbor Day as a civic holiday. On that day Nebraskans are forced to plant trees under penalty of leafing. Many South Dakotans just assume Nebraska is ruled by a high council of Ents.

-The desert dwellers of Iran do not celebrate Arbor Day because they don’t believe in or at least refuse to acknowledge the existence of trees.
-The song “Arbor Day” by the band Ten Thousand Maniacs, when played backwards, is said to have a message encouraging certain acts with trees that I won’t go into detail on. Let’s just say it involves the boudoir.

-Arbor Day awareness is at an all time low in the United States. 95 percent of American High School students think it has something to do with Easter. Fortunately, you can do something about this wretched injustice. Just go to your local high school and yell about it. Loud as you can muster.Just Do It (R)


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